Thinking of Moving While I'm Standing Still

Thinking of Moving While I'm Standing Still I just happened upon my old blog tonight. I was "cleaning" out my favorites and tripped over my blog spot by accident. Just for kicks, I decided to check out the old blog... What is it about moving forward that scares me? Is it the fear of doing something well enough that I have to top that with an even better performance? Is it the fear of eventual failure? Or is it just easier to quit while you're ahead...or maybe not ahead, but close enough you can feel it? Moving forward means you are in motion. Motion brings change and challenge. Change and challenge bring risk and reward. I would rather punish myself. Stopping forward progress is my punishment. Why do I punish myself? Well, I can't tell you WHY, but I can break down the WHAT. 1. I eat before I run, and it's ever so painful to run with a full stomach. 2. I take days off of running for no apparent reason. I have run before when life got stressful, and it has never been an issue. I just make a lot of meaningless excuses. 3. I psych myself out before big races. The end result is usually a decent but less than desired performance. 4. I struggle with my "diet." I would love to be a true Nutritarian, but am way too tempted by junk. 5. My self image is pretty terrible. There are days I feel great about myself, but most of the time I'm insecure and terrified of what others think of me. Punishment. Not moving forward to see how GREAT life could be. Always holding back enough to be average. Never excelling. This post isn't meant to pour pity all over myself. I just needed to put down in writing, what it is that keeps me standing still. I think I would like to move forward now. ~Happy Trails